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[06 Dec 2009|09:18pm] |
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music |
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whir/smashing pumpkins |
] |
she says she wants to marry me
she says she wants a baby
it's not easy
when you're scared
FFUUUUUUUCK!
I'LL HAVE YOUR BABIES BILLY CORGANNNNNNNNNN
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[06 Dec 2009|01:03pm] |
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music |
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matt and kim - daylight |
] |
fun weekend.
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| HOLY SHIT |
[05 Dec 2009|12:30pm] |
I JUST HAD ONE OF THE SCARIEST FUCKING DREAMS.
these big, strong hostile aliens were starting to take over earth. i was fighting them off and killing them because i had a gun, but we just kept finding bigger aliens and they were getting really pissed. we found a bunch of people sitting in a peaceful circle at the top of a hill by a beach, so we figured it must be a safe spot even though it was guarded with a bunch of armed men. the two people i was with parked the minivan we were traveling in and we went to join them. soon after we went inside a building only to find some of them trapped in the basement. we started to kill them, but these ones were harder to defeat. we got all but one, and by that point he was starting to approach us. i was scared to death and hauled ass down to the beach and jumped in the water until nighttime.
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[05 Dec 2009|04:41am] |
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music |
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what do you think. |
] |
I FUCKING LOVE SMASHING PUMPKINS AND BILLY CORGAN.
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| more dreams |
[04 Dec 2009|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 alright |
] |
| [ |
music |
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cupid de locke - smashing pumpkins |
] |
we were at this huge graduation ceremony in this really old auditorium. my whole family was there, including john who isn't really my family but whatever. great grandma bear was there and she got up to make a speech, and i cried the entire time because i missed her. laran stover made a speech too. then the ceremony ended and jamie, stef and i all hugged and i hung out with my family. we then waled into the next room, which turned out to be my aunt's house, and she had a bunch of softball trophies above her closet and a little cup full of umaine memorabilia.
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| kinda depressed |
[03 Dec 2009|01:14am] |
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i'll never make music as beautiful as some of the stuff out there. and i really want to.
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| painkiller dreams |
[02 Dec 2009|11:50am] |
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music |
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p.i.s.s. - i will never go to school |
] |
okay. i saw a wilco concert in russia and met jeff tweedy. by the way, i was sierra for about half of this dream. we walked into town in the snow together, talking the whole time and i was really starting to admire him. when we got there, we learned that there was going to be a "snow hurricane", which i now realize to rest of the world is known as a blizzard. his lady friend came and he started giving all his attention to her and seemed annoyed with me. we were going to be stuck in a little house for three days, maybe more because of the snow. his lady friend left and it was just me, him and my grandparents in this little house in this mountain valley sort of thing (it was a circle of mountains that would protect us from the storm). i was me at this point. i couldn't understand why he was annoyed with me and was jealous of the woman who had left earlier. i left him alone while we both tried to sleep. after a while i said i only wanted to play kickball with him, and he said that's what he wanted to do with me. we played after the storm ended. jeff also looked more like elliott smith in my dream.
NEXT!
i went off to school in maine and mom and dad got a new dog to be kloey's companion. school was going great and i was finding my classes and had a class about leaves or something. soon i learned that kloey was dying and had a week to live. i rushed home from school to be with her. she was breathing really heavily and stopped all of a sudden. it was really fucking depressing.
theeeeeeen there was another i don't remember much of. i was driving through maine to canada and ended up driving with some lady. the area was very lovely.
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| fuck. |
[02 Nov 2009|07:38pm] |
just when i think i'm going to be okay, i realize just how much i hate myself.
i fucking hate myself and my life.
so muuuuuuuuch
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| been feeling the weirdest shit lately |
[08 Oct 2009|06:03pm] |
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music |
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i still care for you - ray lamontagne |
] |
like i'm being being stretched in so many different directions, but have nowhere to go.
empty.
torn.
numb.
sick.
grievous.
like any moment, i'm going to break. any moment, it's going to hit me.
i'm on the verge of tears, but i can't cry yet.
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| i'm gonna be pissed |
[31 Aug 2009|10:09am] |
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mood |
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almost good |
] |
| [ |
music |
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oh well - fiona apple |
] |
if i don't get into cmu cuz i really want to go there now.
poooooop.
at least i have a thousand back up schools now. :\
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| Writer's Block: On the List |
[31 Aug 2009|12:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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day too soon - sia |
] |
mr. darcy
mr. darcy
mr. darcy
mr. darcy
mr. darcy
mr. darcy
mr. bingley
i can't get over the fact that i am the way i am. wishing i was a bit different won't help anything. i seem to be stuck in this big bullshit cycle, i have been for years, and i'm deathly afraid i will be for the rest of my life.
what i know i need is support. i have none of that at home. i hate it so much.
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| Writer's Block: On the Airwaves |
[22 Aug 2009|01:03am] |
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it'd have one show all about poop, poop jokes, and people's poop stories. my uncle would be my co-host.
then i'd take the money i made from that show and go tour around america in a car with a friend and make a documentary about it, and show that. and then some more stuff.
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| fml |
[18 Aug 2009|03:47am] |
pinned down to fucking saint pete.
as not-so-bad as my life is, i fucking hate it for the most part.
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| Writer's Block: Dream Job |
[12 Feb 2009|10:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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wilco and rogue wave |
] |
dream job??
i cannot think of anything I would enjoy more than being a housewife and stay-at-home mom. What I want to do more than anything in my lifetime is have my own family and devote my life to them. i hate working as of now, it's so pointless, at least it is right now, for me. i don't need money, and i hate the extra stress. i couldn't work in a corporate setting...i couldn't see myself there in a million years. i like to think: "how did they do things in simpler times?" the husband worked, the wife cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. that said, i think it'd be safe to assume i don't give a rat's patoot for all that women empowerment/feminist crap. equal rights, blah blah blah. women can stick up for themselves. i'm going to get an education. i wish to choose someday to dedicate myself to my family. just because i choose to try to create good, productive humans to send out into the world doesn't make me less of a human than my husband.
but i digress. i'll step off my soapbox.
i guess my dream job, when thinking along the lines of what is generally considered a "job", would be to be a doctor of some sort. perhaps a pediatrician, because another thing i'd really like to do sometime in my life is to study medicine and provide aid to those who need it but can't afford it or don't have access to it. i would absolutely love to be a part of a program that sends doctors to poor countries to give much needed medical aid to the citizens there.
while i know that's subject to change, i feel different about this than the other career choices i've taken interest in. recently i've changed a great deal due to a person i was involved with, he taught me so much and really made me see things differently, and i truly feel such a depth of gratitude for him doing so. i liked to focus on balance before i met him, but i never realized that harmony required equal emphasis. his desire to try to help people and make the world a better place was contagious and it spread to me. this is why i see no point in a career that doesn't work to aid others who need help...i just couldn't bring myself to do anything else. and i know the road to becoming a doctor is a long, difficult and expensive one, but for once in my life, i'm not offput or intimidated by it; which really makes me think: maybe i've found my passion.
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| because i haven't been on in a gazillion years: |
[09 Feb 2009|12:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
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my back hurts |
] |
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music |
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got this song by nickel creek stuck in my head |
] |
lost 65 lbs, but i've kinda hit a plateau.
had my first boyfriend and all the firsts that comes with one, we broke up over a week ago.
we're going to remain friends.
aaaaaaaaand my life is pretty much fucking sweet.
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| Writer's Block: Ten for the Tenth |
[10 Nov 2008|06:12pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Cecilia - Simon & Garfunkle |
] |
at the moment (in no particular order):
Deja Entendu by Brand New
Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack (Jean-Yves Thibaudet)
Kala - M.I.A.
Let's Get Lifted - John Legend
Dan In Real Life Soundtrack (Sondre Lerche)
Your Favorite Weapon - Brand New
August and Everything After - Counting Crows
O Brother, Where Art Thou? Soundtrack
Tigerlily - Natalie Merchant
Spike - Elvis Costello
three more that i would add:
Takk by Sigur Ros
New Beginning by Tracy Chapman
*NSYNC by Nsync
never stopped loving Nsync...
in other equally as uninteresting news, i feel like a whale.
blahhhhhhh
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